A Night in the Life of a Night-Watcher[1]
David Lester
You may not know that, a long time ago (1969-1971), when I
was Director of Research and Evaluation at the suicide prevention center in
Buffalo (NY), I trained as a crisis counselor and took two night shifts. Because
I was in charge of evaluating the service, it was important that I participate
in the process. (I also had one face-to-face client during my time at the
center.) Here is my account of that night.
It hadn’t been too good a day. I still had a cold and I was
a bit depressed. Things improved a little during the day and by late afternoon
I was calmer. I left the SPCS at 4:30 to get a combined lunch/dinner and was
back by 5:00 p.m. when I was on.
For the first few minutes I tidied up the telephone
room as I usually do. I hate just sitting there waiting for a call.
5:10 I got a call for Al (who wasn’t around).
5:20 A call came in for Elsa, but she was in with a
patient.
5:32 A girl called on the teenage line. Ann was
pregnant (I checked to see whether a doctor had confirmed it – yes) and didn’t
know whether to tell her boyfriend or her parents first. There seemed to be no
problems. She wanted to have the child, the boyfriend knew she might be
pregnant, and her parents would probably act ok. She was just a little anxious.
I told her to tell her boyfriend first and then see her parents together. I
found it a little difficult to keep talking, but I felt I handled it ok. After
I hung up, I remembered to watch how often I say “yes” and “mm-hmm.”
5:49 Another call for Elsa but she was still in with a
patient. I got talking to Fred and John who were also working about what to
suggest for a girl whose father is making her act like a housewife and who is
cruel.
5:59 A call from someone in the evening’s training
session who would be late. Then I talked to Mandi about her boat and about the
possibility of going out for a night in a police car and to Marcia about the
training group that evening.
6:16 A call on the teenage line from an anonymous girl
(I didn’t ask her name) who was concerned with whether to go out with this boy
since she had found out he laid the last girl he went out with. I told her if
she felt she could handle him, why not. I felt uneasy about the call. First, I
got another call in the middle of it and since John and Fred had disappeared, I
had to answer it. He wanted a girl to talk to but none were around, so he hung
up. I hate interrupting a call. If he had called when I was free, I might have
got him talking. (Fred had a call later from someone who wanted a particular
counselor who wasn’t around, and Fred let the caller hang up without asking
whether he could help. The same kind of situation. Maybe they would hang up
anyway but it’s easy to facilitate them hanging-up. I didn’t say anything to
Fred. I would have felt awkward doing so.)
Secondly, Marcia was walking in and out, and I felt
inhibited, which is dumb (after all she supervises me).
6:22 A call on the teen line from a girl who hung-up
after saying only a few words. I then went out and locked the outside door
(it’s supposed to be locked after 5 p.m.) and tidied up some more in the room.
6:32 A call from
Elsa’s daughter but Elsa was still busy. I went and locked the outside door
again!
6:35 A hang-up on the
teen line.
6:39 A call on the
teen line. I was in toilet at the time, and I knew Fred and John were on calls.
So I ran back, breathless, answered the damn call with “suicide – er – teenage
problem service”. The girl didn’t want to talk to me so we hung-up. Boy it
hadn’t been too good an evening so far.
6:40 Doreen called for
Elsa and left a message.
6:49 A call on the
teen line from Joyce whose boyfriend had broken up with her because she
pestered him so much asking whether he liked her. It was difficult to get her
to focus. She knew what she was doing wrong but kept drifting onto other
topics. I felt it went ok.
7:03 A call for
Killian. He wasn’t in yet.
7:05 A call on the teen line from Carol. Carol calls
up a lot and knows most of the male counselors. I like her. She’s easy to talk
to and is pleasant. If another call comes in or you are busy she understands.
Tonight, she told me that she had found out who I am. She knows I’m Dr. David
Lester, a research psychologist and not just David. It seems Killian gave out
the information to a friend of hers. (Remember to kill Killian.) We talked
about she felt when she found out. Carol doesn’t seem to have any problems. She
just likes to talk. She likes having some friends down at the SPCS. After 45
minutes she said she has to hang-up since someone had arrived which was a pity
since she said she had something important to tell me.
8:33 Picked up a call
the same time as Killian but he took it.
8:33 Called home.
Lots of people left
the center. The training group probable broke up. I went and locked the door
again.
8:52 Went and locked
the door again. There were still people around. I decided to give up locking
the door. I reckoned the other door didn’t have a lock so why bother. (I found
out the next day that both doors have locks.)
8:55 A crank call on
the teenline. They were laughing too much to talk.
8:56 Jane called for
John. He was busy on a call. She said she’d call back.
8:57 A girl called on
the teen line ehose friend was pregnant. She hadn’t had a test yet, so I
recommended going to a doctor or Planned Parenthood for a test. After the call
was over, I found Al’s handout on referrals and realized I should have had the
girl call him. But I did tell her to call back.
9:03 A call from
Miguel who had just arrived in Buffalo from Chicago. He had had a job but had
been fired. He had been thrown out by two aunts and now was living with an
uncle and was expecting to get thrown out by him too. I referred him to the Youth
Employment Program. Then we chatted some more. He sounded nice. We talked about
how lonely he must be. I tried to get him to talk about why he had been thrown
out of two homes and fired, but he wouldn’t focus too well. Debbie, one of the
trainees was listening in to the call.
Then Killian told me to listen in to Emma, one of our
chronic callers who a lot of people don’t like too well. Killian seemed to get
on with her and liked her. They talked for over an hour on and off. I listened
in to a few minutes and was glad Killian had the call.
9:33 Mary called on the teen line. She is the other
regular caller that I like and get on with. She sounded fine. I remembered that
Fred said she had called earlier and was upset. We talked awhile. I mentioned
the letter she had sent me. She told me she had cut her wrists last Thursday
and again on Friday. I remembered Fred had told me about that. She had been
interviewed by Dave with everyone watching through the one-way mirror on
Thursday. I asked her why she had cut her wrists, but she couldn’t answer. I
think maybe I confronted her a little too much because she said she had to
hang-up to go eat because she was anemic. Maybe she really did. She said she’ll
call back. Debbie listened in to that call and we talked about it afterwards. I
hoped she would call back.
9:50 A social worker called on the teen line asking
for the number of the drug line. I told him I would do. He wanted a place for
the parent of a kid who had been busted for marijuana to call for advice. He
asked about A.I.D. but I thought that was for hard drug users. I told him to
call Al during the day.
10:00 I let Debbie out of the building.
10:01 A call from Vera on the teen line. She’s 13 and
wanted to know if glue-sniffing would cause brain-damage. I said yes. Talked a
little bit, and she said she calls a lot. I tried to get her to call Al during
the day. I told her he is talking with a lot of kids who sniff glue. I talked
to her for about 7 minutes. I felt bad afterwards. Maybe it wasn’t necessary to
talk to her for a longer time, but I realized that if it had been Carol or Mary
I would have. It was as if she wasn’t one of my regulars. I don’t like
acquiring regulars, and the teen line regulars are more clinging than those on
the suicide line. For example, Emma will talk to anyone and doesn’t seem to get
attached to one person. But it’s more than that. In spite of the fact that
maybe it’s ok not to go on and on with callers, I felt bad because I do with
some.
10:20 A wrong-number on the suicide line.
10:26 A call from a girl on the teen line (I didn’t
ask her name) who was worried because her friend was sleeping around. She
wouldn’t talk much which gets me uptight. I gave her some advice, but I hate
giving advice when the person doesn’t respond to it. Yet I also hate sitting
there in silence. However, I do encourage every caller to call back to tell us
how things went or if they need any further advice.
10:37 Jane called again for John. I put her on hold.
10:38 A hang-up on the teen line.
10:50 A call on the teen line from Helen who wanted
this boy to ask her out. One of those two-minute calls where anything you say
seems to be satisfactory.
10:55 I went on home, hiding my wallet inside my
trousers in case I got robbed on the way to the car. It was a standard 5 p.m.
to 11 p.m. shift. All the patient calls were on the teen lines. I got calls
from Carol and Mary. At least I felt good after two of them (Ann’s and
Miguel’s). That doesn’t always happen.
[1] Details
about patients have been changed to prevent identification. Al, Dave, Doran,
Elsa, Mandi, and Marcia are staff members. Debbie, Fred, John, and Killian are
volunteers. During this shift I was one of three volunteers taking calls. The
SPCS had four separate telephone numbers, but they all come to the same counselors:
suicide prevention, problems in living, drug hotline and teen hotline. We later
moved the teen hotline to a youth group to run.
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